Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Probably cricketsville

it's been so long since I have been on here.  Of course so much has happened.  I finished up school and graduated top of my class as a radiographer (glorified photographer).  I got a job at my number one pick of hospitals in my area.  The biggest most recent event was that I had a baby last June!  This is monumentous because I never really wanted to have a baby until recently. My husband has always said he wanted kids but I just couldn't get on board.  Then the thought started to slowly drill its way into my brain.  What made my switch flip was talking to my father in law.  He had many things left to him when his parents passed away.  I don't know why this was the one thing that made me start to question whether or not to have children.  To get morbid...the thought of dying and not having anyone to leave our belongings to, let alone no one to remember us, really hit home. It was for selfish reasons but aren't most reasons selfish?  So we called up our family in February of 2014 to let them know we were going to try to have a baby.  By March I found out that I was pregnant. We were ecstatic.  We were in shock.  We were scared.  How does that happen so fast.  I had been able to not get pregnant for 36 years and bam pregnant after trying for a month.  Luckily we quickly lost the jitters and started planning for our little bundle.  We started to buy big items.  We had our crib, changing table, and pack-n-play by the time I was only 10 weeks out.  My dad came to visit and we painted the baby's room. Then I went to my first ultrasound when I was 12 weeks along and my world came crashing down on me.  No heart beat.  I have never experienced anything like it.  I went from such a high and utter excitement to rock bottom within seconds.  My husband was the best.  He was my rock. After that, life happened.  I started to work at the hospital along with my previous retail job.  What should have been two part time jobs turned into working 40 hours at both jobs per week.  When I finally got a guaranteed full time job at the hospital and quick my other job, my husband got a promotion and was sent out for training.  He was gone so much for the first three months of his new position. It was once again a major shock to the system to find out in September 2016 that I was pregnant again.  I told the two girls I worked with and my boss (since I work with radiation).  Other than that, we didn't tell a sole until I was 13 weeks pregnant.  Even then I didn't want to let anyone know.  One of the hardest things the first time was telling people that I was no longer  pregnant.  I didn't want to have to go through that again if I miscarried.  We didn't buy anything for the baby until I was 6 month pregnant (we still had everything from the first pregnancy).  I didn't want to get my hopes up.  Even after every movement, hiccup or kick. I had a miserable pregnancy.  I was so sick that I lost 20 pounds in my first 8 weeks and I never did gain all of it back before I had my little girl.  She arrived on June 7 2016 (our anniversary).  She was so tiny 5 pounds 13 oz and 18 inches long.  But she was healthy and beautiful and a crying little thing. The last 8 months we have had our ups and downs, lack of sleep, breast feeding issues, food issues, and pooping issues.  But I would not give them up for anything.  Her and I, we are two peas in a pod. I love that there are days that the only thing that she wants is to be held in my arms.  And kissed by my lips. I've been asked if we are going to have another baby and I honestly don't know.  I feel myself saying no because I don't want to love anyone else as much as I love her.  

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